Highways on Fire: Nuts in Nashville

Deciding to spend a whole day in Nashville was one of the better decisions made on this trip. I'm beginning to realize that America is a big place, and that there's lots to see, and you should see them. If you just end up being stuck in Lancaster... fie upon you.

We had a full day today, and it was allll good. The morning started off with a jaunt to the nearby McDonald's for a healthy lunch. This proved to be a cultural experience in its own right as the franchise looks different in these parts than in our parts.

It was over lunch that we decided it was necessary to buy tickets to see the Grand Ole Opry in the evening. When else would we get the chance to see Loretta Lynn perform live? Also, after Googling "things to do in Nashville", we decided to check out the Nashville Parthenon in Centennial Park.

Before hitting the park, we went downtown to purchase tickets for the Opry show. I decided at the start of the trip that I would allow my ADD to run free and wild in my travels, and that if something struck my fancy I would investigate until I was satisfied, or otherwise distracted. This led to me sipping a beer in the Legends bar on Broadway at 2 PM, listening to Robert Burgeis and his country rock band.

It was the music that drew me into this particular establishment. I have always been a sucker for country music... like Ray Charles, I like the stories. Also, country is like emo music... but for Southerners instead of scene kids, and I like Southerners better. The highlight of his set was the part where he asked for requests, and was met with a wall of "Freebird!". Mr. Burgeis stood his ground and, like any self respecting musician, promised that they would play anything and everything but. At one point, he told the clientele that he would play Freebird if they could muster $100.
"Is it really worth it?" I asked, playing the part of the belligerent Yank heckling the band.
"Hell no," he said, and launched into some country song about lost love and beer.

The Parthenon was impressive. I never knew that Nashville had a replica of the Parthenon, complete with a towering statue of the goddess Athena. If you ever get the chance to go to Nashville, check it out. It was built for Nashville's centennial in 1897, and can be found in Centennial Park... go figure.

Nashville is apparently called "The Athens of the South", supposedly on account of all the colleges in the area. I think that the Bureau of Tourism just made this shit up so that they would have something to put on an informational plaque in their sweet Parthenon replica, but who's keeping track?


We at dinner at the Merchant's Restaurant on Broadway. Our waitress was Caritta and she was very pleasant, which netted her a good tip. She's either really nice, or knows how to work a table. Either way, I had a good time and the food was excellent. The back of the menu gave a brief history of the building the restaurant resides in. Apparently it used to be a pharmacy that sold a miracle drug full of opium and alcohol.
"...although it probably never cured anyone, it made the consumer unaware of their problems."
Damn straight it did. Dinner also got a little awkward when Erika started to loudly talk about her views on people who are anti gay marriage. I love being a Salomon, and it took our check a little extra time to get to our table.

The Grand Ole Opry was definitely a worthwhile experience. Little Jimmy Dickins hosted a segment, and told some dirty jokes between songs.

"There's a pill they prescribe for old gentlemen like myself... but if you don't swallow it the whole way it makes your neck a little stiff."

Now that's what I call Southern comfort.

Seeing Loretta Lynn perform Coal Miner's Daughter live was awesome, to say the least. She may be old, but god damn she still has a full set of pipes... and I don't mean breasts.

Well, that's all for today folks. Yes, today's post was mundane and not as Gonzo, but sometimes the truth is what the truth is... boring to all save for those experience it.

Side note: Why are we so uptight in the Northeast? People are so pleasant down here, traffic flows at a smooth, leisurely, non-ulcer inducing pace, and everybody says hello. It's like Cheers, but with a background in slavery.

Tune in tomorrow for Louisiana. Now with wings to prevent flooding.

- Rev. Patrick P. Salomon